THE FORCE ISN’T WITH YOU

I like to tell myself daily that the universe conspires to help me. With this attitude, I keep my eyes open for opportunities and coincidences. Yet, as a coach who specializes in helping people change habits, I know that on planet earth, there are myriad forces conspiring against us. Those forces include your brain (which abhors change), your well-meaning friend who’d rather have you a little round and eating just what she eats, your phone, iPad, email, meetings etc.

“The more important a call or action is to our soul’s evolution, the more Resistance we will feel toward pursuing it.” ~ Steven Pressfield, The War of Art

A year ago, when I was writing my book on habit change, I decided to take up the cello and apply my 5-step process to see if I could build the habit of practicing  every day. It worked: I now have a brain that feels discomfort on rare days that I don’t get to play because I’m traveling.

Recently, a friend learned that I was playing and asked me how long I practice. I responded, “About 20-30 minutes.” He came back with, “You’ll never get any good that way.” I was so stunned, that I didn’t know what to say. Assuming that I didn’t hear him, he repeated himself two more times!

Then I laughed.

It’s true: I will never be an “Outlier” when it comes to cello. I have no intention of practicing 90 minutes a day up to 10,000 hours (thank you very much Malcolm Gladwell). But my goal was never to be professional. It was simply to practice every day. Which leads me to Step Two in habit formation.

(Step one is to pick a focus area that is causing you so much pain that you MUST do it, or that will give you so much pleasure that you MUST do it)

Step two in habit formation is to set a goal that is reasonable and that will not freak out your brain.

If I had set a goal of playing my favorite Bach piece by year end, I can promise you that I would have become dejected after a few weeks of practicing.

So if you want to run a marathon in April, your goal is to run every day a little longer than the prior day. If you want to lose weight by your class reunion, your goal is to clear out your cupboard, fill it with healthy foods, and eat a balanced low-carb, low sugar diet every day. If you want to write a book, you write something every day. If you want to be more productive, you prioritize your day and write any important thoughts before you ever check email. If you want to get strong, you lift something several times a week.

Then you plan for resistance and gather support to help you move through obstacles. Maybe you get a personal trainer, nutritionist, or coach.

Then you slog, every day, repeating the behavior until you notice one day that it’s no longer a slog; it’s a habit.

“Those who will not govern themselves are condemned to find masters to govern over them.” ~ Steven Pressfield

What you tell yourself about yourself matters.

Perhaps the strongest opposing force is the crazy, negative voice in your head that tells you “It’s too hard,” or “You tried this before and failed.”

You can’t stop the nagging voice. But you can give it an opposing force.

So, if you want to change a habit, tell yourself:

– I am a person who doesn’t eat sugar or artificial sweeteners.

– I am a person who sleeps at least 7 hours a night.

– I am a person who runs every day.

– I am a person who moves my body every day.

With this language, your brain feels a need to align behaviors with your identity story. When you backslide, your brain sees it not as failure, but as dissonance – a misstep that can (and must) be corrected tomorrow.

Take time today to ask yourself, “Who do you I want to be? What would I do every day if I was that person?”

Then, why not start today?

“We don’t just put off our lives today; we put them off till our deathbed.” ~ Steven Pressfield

Resource:

How to Finally Lose that Weight for Good: Achieve Any Goal by Avoiding These Three Mistakes, by Denise R. Green